| Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007 |
| 11:28 am |
I have not been looking forward to the phone call I just received. My step-mom might have breast cancer. She's already gone in for tests a few times and she has to go in again on Friday. Then we get to play the waiting game some more to find out for sure what if that's what the mass is or not. I'm not very close to her, but I still love her and this still sucks hardcore. Current Mood:  stressed |
| Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007 |
| 10:48 pm |
I spent the last 4ish days in Minnesota with Joshua and his family and I must say it's the most fun I've had over break. Mostly because I was with him, but still. We went to a Minnesota Wild game. My first hockey game ever and it was fun. And Josh dragged me to a wrestling tournament that I actually ended up enjoying. We did a lot of sleeping and just sitting around watching tv, but it was an amazing four days with my favoriter person in the world. New Years wasn't too exciting. We just went to his friend of the family's house for awhile and I watched them play guitar hero...quite entertaining. Then Josh and I went back to his house and watched the ball drop and such. It was a good time. I'm pretty sure it's love. I've been away from him for about 8 hours and I already miss him. How sad is that? He is coming down here on the 11th to stay with me and my family before we go back to school. I'm excited. Illo died yesterday. She was 91. Probably one of the most amazing people I have had the pleasure of knowing. I'm gonna miss her. I was at Josh's house when I found out and I tried really hard not to cry in front of him, but I couldn't stop myself. But he took care of me. I couldn't eat while I was there either because everytime I ate something I felt sick. I'm pretty sure his parents think I'm an aneroxic chic. Ok...done talking about Josh...maybe... I pretty much love football. The Oklahoma Boise St. game yesterday was intense. Love it! And I'm watching football right now. Exciting...I know... 2007. That just makes me feel old. I will turn 20 this year. My life changed a lot this past year. Graduated. 1st semester at college. Being away from home and on my own for the fist time ever. It's been fun though. Last year was a good year. I hope this year is even better. It's crazy to think about how much my life is going to change in the next 4-5 years. I will graduate from college in 3 1/2 years and hopefully get a good job. (Now that I'm changing my major to elementary education it will be hard to find a good paying job haha) Hopefully I will be at least engaged if not married and starting a family soon after marriage because I don't want to be one of those people who is still having kids when they are almost 40. I will be completely on my own with no support from my parents at all. I'm kinda nervous but more excited then anything. That's just a lot of changes in a very short amount of time. Stressful. Very pointless entry. Oh well. Goodnight world... |
| Saturday, December 16th, 2006 |
| 12:06 am |
My first semester of college is finally over. I'm home for break and it feels so good to be done w/ finals. This semester went by so fast. It was good though. It had it's ups and downs, but I have to say it was a lot more up then down. I love my roomie Robyn and I love my amazing boyfriend Josh. I can't wait to go stay with him for a few days over break. It will be good. I miss him already...sickening...I know. Christmas is 10 short days away. I'll see all the family that I never talk to and the family that I'm close to. Christmas is always the bittersweet time of feeling obligated to see people you really don't like/want to see and being with the people you love most in the world. That's all for now. I thought I had a lot more to write, but I'm so tired and brain dead from finals I can't really think. Oh, well. More later I guess. Goodnight world... Current Mood:  complacent |
| Sunday, October 22nd, 2006 |
| 10:03 pm |
I went to RENT last night with Josh. It was amazing. I love the movie but seeing the performance live was a totally different experience and agh it was just so freakin' good. I want to go see it again and again and again. Josh=new boyfriend. He's super nice and good to me and I'm happy. Been looking/hopeing/praying for a guy like him to come along. Hopefully things will last. A friend called me today who is going through some tough stuff and I hate not being able to be there for my friends back home when they need me. It's probably the worst feeling in the world. Wanting to be there for a friend who needs you and being so far away you can't do anything. I thought I had a ton of stuff to write about in this tonight and I really do have a lot I want to write about but I just kinda don't feel like it anymore. I'm having a major emo day and I hate emo days. I love Bailey!!! She's the best friend ever and I don't know what I would do without that girl in my life. She's like my sister and I would do anything for her. Love love love her. Goodnight world... |
| Friday, October 6th, 2006 |
| 12:12 am |
I can't decide if I like Iowa City or not. Some days I do, and some days I don't. If I don't go here though, I don't know where else I would go. So pretty much, I'm staying here. Maybe the year will get better, but that's what I've been telling myself since I got here. I don't even know what it is that I don't like. I like the school itself. I think it's the people here. And the need to party party party. It's so annoying. There is nothing to do. I think maybe I'm just really homesick. And stressed over mid-terms (which start tomorrow and every day for the next week). I just want to go home. I want to see my mom and my family and my dog. I want to fight with my sisters. Oh, the joys of growing up...
Goodnight world... Current Mood:  lonely |
| Wednesday, October 4th, 2006 |
| 9:55 am |
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| Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006 |
| 12:10 am |
We talked about the existence of God today in Philosophy. It was quite interesting and made me think alot. I still believe in God. I think talking about it today actually made me believe in Him even more. I wish I had more time right now to write why I think so but I really don't have that kind of time right now. I really just need a day where I can sit down and write all day long about everything that I think about because there is just too much stuff all jumbled in my head that i want to get written down. Stuff that I think about or believe or have questions about that I totally don't understand.
I'm super stressed. To the max...
Thursday-quiz Friday-Mid-term Monday-Mid-term Tuesday-Mid-term Thursday-quiz and Mid-term AGH!!!!!
People have a lot of secrets. Not only secrets about themselves but other people as well. Most of the time it's not a big deal, (who cares if you secretly pick your nose in your bed at night or whatever) but then there are the few secrets that cause damage to relationships and god knows what else. I've been hurt by several such secrets recently and it hurts like hell. Those kind of secrets suck really bad and I pretty much decided that I hate them. Therefore I've begun to tell people stuff that I normally wouldn't have told people. When I do something or say something that I normally would have hid from someone, I now just kinda...tell them. I would rather have that person mad at me now or hurt by it now then me hidding it from them and them finding out later on down the road and it hurting them even more than me telling them in the first place. I also have found myself refraining from doing/saying/acting on the things that I normally would have. The stuff that I would have done that I would have later had to hide. I like it much better this way. I feel so much better about myself for being honest and not having to lie about stuff all the time. Not that I really did it that much in the first place. I dont' have that much to hid, or do i? What am I hiding? Why am I hiding what I am hiding? And if I'm hiding stuff, then I probably shouldn't have done that stuff in the first place right? I shouldn't have anything to hide. Wow. I just completely confused myself. I really need to go to bed or something. I'm not making sense to myself or probably anyone else right now. I'm pretty much usless at the moment. haha. So I'm going to bed.
Goodnight world... Current Mood:  contemplative |
| Sunday, October 1st, 2006 |
| 12:41 pm |
You can try to bring me down all you want but I'm just gonna stand strong and hold my ground because I'm not going to let a backstabbing bitch like you ruin anything I have. You're not worth it. So take that to the bank! Current Mood:  giggly |
| Thursday, September 28th, 2006 |
| 2:31 pm |
No. Things are not looking up. I was wrong...again. Current Mood: rejected |
| 11:35 am |
Are things looking up...again...maybe? Current Mood: contemplative |
| Monday, September 25th, 2006 |
| 12:27 am |
I don't know what to fucking do. I don't know what's real and what's a lie anymore. Why do people lie so fucking much? If it's something you are going to regret, then don't fucking do it in the first place. What that heck is going on with everyone!? I'm sick of getting hurt and seeing the people I care about getting hurt. AGH! Fuck! Current Mood:  pissed off |
| Tuesday, September 19th, 2006 |
| 12:47 am |
I have so many emotions running through my body right now and I don't know which one is the strongest so I don't really know how the hell to express myself tonight. I've just randomly been yelling profane words in my dorm room tonight which my roommate finds somewhat ammusing. I love her though. The Steelers lost. That pissed me off. My Chem Pre-lab sucked so I can't imagine what this lab is going to be like tomorrow and I found out that I was below the class average for the exam which means that even with the curve I still got a D on the damn thing. I'm angry at myself for being so vulnerable and allowing myself to be hurt over and over again and not allowing myself to let go of anyone or anything. I'm giddy and happy about random things. Too many F#$%ing emotions!!! I can't handle it. And too much damn homework. I'm homesick and I want my mom and I wish I could just be 5 years old again and just play with my toys and do nothing all day. That would be the most amazing feeling in the world cause this feeling right now just blows some major ass. AAAAAGH!!!! I'm just gonna go to bed and sleep it off. Tomorrow will be better right? Current Mood:  frustrated |
| Monday, September 11th, 2006 |
| 7:56 pm |
thank you for hurting me. it felt amazing.
I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm pissed at myself. I waited so freakin' long and when I finally got what I wanted it's not what I wanted at all because what I got was a lie that ended up hurting me. Pretty sweet how things work out that way. My trust is gone. Current Mood: crushed |
| Saturday, September 9th, 2006 |
| 12:43 pm |
I just found out that my gay cousin has HIV. That sucks. |
| Friday, September 8th, 2006 |
| 2:50 pm |
Today Philosophy totally blew my mind. Not really the stuff we were discussing, but the stuff that I thought of when we were discussing what we were discussing. I think I'm just gonna write a bunch of stuff that I've been thinking about cause I'm afraid that if I don't write it all out that I will lose all my thoughts and never be able to come to a conclusion on what I think about certain topics which is my goal. I want to start analyzing what i believe and why I believe it and if it is justified or not. ahhh I love philosophy! So...in conclusion...I will have a post, soon hopefully, with my thoughts on different topics and I hope you pick them apart and find stuff wrong with them to make me anaylize myself even more. It would be fun. yep. its true. Ok. I'm done. Current Mood:  creative |
| 1:13 am |
I was going through all the clothes that I brought with me to college and I was looking at my jeans. In the back right pocket of a pair of jeans that I haven't worn in quite awhile I found my old SEP lunch card. It kinda made me laugh. Wish it had been like $20 or something, but whatever. Current Mood: amused |
| 12:40 am |
Dear Chemistry, I hate you with all my heart. I've been working on that assignment of yours for 4 days now and there are only 12 problems. Although I did get an A on it, it just took tooooo looooong. So please. Be kind and stop being so dang hard. Love, Renee I might as well have a single room because my roommate never sleeps in here. She's slept in here maybe twice in the past week. I am always in here by myself and I get so freakin' lonely. I can't handle it. I just wanna scream or cry or something. And phone calls are pretty much pointless at this point. Evreyone you call is either drunk or...drunk. I love Iowa City and hate it at the same time. AGH! Someone come keep me company. I'm going insane. I miss you but you don't care. Goodnight world... Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: sigur ros |
| Monday, September 4th, 2006 |
| 3:39 pm |
Came home to visit my family and Ben this weekend. It was a good time. I saw everyone I wanted to except Megan Churchill. I miss her. College is definitly a turning point in your life. It didn't really hit me until I came back home and realized how much stuff has changed in the whole 2 and half weeks that I was gone. Life here is different. Even the people are different sometimes. I'm different. Not in a bad way. I'm still me, but I feel more mature and just...different. I love my new life. It's just hard to take in the fact that nothing will ever be the same again. But that's just the way it's gotta be. Just wish it were easier. Current Mood: conflictedCurrent Music: I'm gonna miss her |
| Sunday, August 27th, 2006 |
| 10:46 pm |
My first week of classes at the University of Iowa were quite boring although I do love my Philosophy clas. It will by far be my favorite class and I am excited to see where it will lead me as far as changing my major. I'm already having second thoughts on doing physical therapy. 1 week. haha. o well. I've got plenty of time to figure it out.
First football game is this weekend. I'm excited for that. Then I'm going home for labor day. Got family stuff to do.
The weekends are fun. I love my friends. And my roommate. She's crazy sometimes but I love her.
I'm not homesick yet although when my dad calls just to tell me that he misses me and it's really hard to be in the house without me there, it does make me miss home a little.
I miss Ben.
Time to go read somemore great writings of Plato for philosophy. I really do enjoy him though.
Goodnight world... Current Mood:  mellowCurrent Music: Aalyiah- I don't wanna |
| Sunday, August 20th, 2006 |
| 1:48 pm |
I love Iowa City even more today then I did yesterday. Last night was amazing. I don't even have time to tell you why because it would take me 5 hours.
I love Robyn my roomie, Heather Mother F'in Gilmore, and my Emmanemma. They are my favorite people ever!!!
Classes start tomorrow Booo!!!
O well. I'm actually somewhat excited. Yeah for college! |
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